Car and Car, Oppressors at Large

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

First Dates

Dear Car,

I have a first date tonight with Steadman Sugg. Why do I want to fake sick or run away? Am I crazy??

xixixi
car

Monday, June 05, 2006

Mammoth Brownies are ok my dear...

Dear Car,

Do not feel too badly about the 3x3 brownie that is sitting in your stomach. Did you know that things you eat on Monday's between 12-5pm don't count? This is the freebie period of the week, so looks like you slid in under the radar. Thank goodness huh??

Car, as were discussing earlier in email #348 of the day, why do exes have the power to rock your world in about 2 nano seconds? I hate that. So, this weekend we should come up with a plan to find the most gorgeous, heavy metal hating, anti black t-shirt man that we can find that I can slip a picture into his email box of the two of us gazing lovingly into each others eyes :)

Ready, set, GO! Off to my new life. Oh wait, I'm just off to run at the lake and then watch some bad TV probably :)

xixix
car

Largest brownie of all times

Dear Car,

On this grey and dreary afternoon I began to feel mightily hungry and when I did, I thought to myself, "What I should do is eat a healthy snack," like healthy people are always saying. Some fruit, or nuts. So what I did, was, I went across the street and bought a brownie that was roughly 3 x 3 feet, and not only was it huge - but it had little bits of chocolate cooked inside, adding to the ridiculous nature of the brownie. What I thought was, "I'll just have a moderate amount," but then I came back over here to my office, and I ate the entire thing.

I have a feeling it was about 764,864 calories that I just consumed. Besides the mammoth run I am going to go on tomorrow, in order to rid my body of the excess poundage I just put on, I have participated in some heavy-duty exercise activities today - the number one and most important being emailing you about 100 times. Typing as fast as we do takes energy, right? And energy = calories.

xixixixixixixixi
Car

Thursday, June 01, 2006

Workplace Bathrooms...a disgusting topic, do not read if you have a weak stomach

So I've been in the adult "workforce" for 5 years now, and there is a disturbing trend I have noticed about the state of women's bathrooms. My first job was at a law firm, and it was all women in the office, and we shared 2 bathrooms. I never encountered the problems here that I have at the next 2 places of employment.

After the law firm I worked at Biogen Idec for almost 3 years, its a Biotech company. It's large, brand new, and they spend a lot of money to make sure the place looks REALLY good. So we had a constant flurry of people cleaning our bathrooms twice a day to ensure that visitors were impressed.

BUT I cannot tell you how many times I walked into a stall to find one of 3 things: an unflushed toilet with just toilet paper in it, pee on the seat, or the worst of the 3, remnants of the last person left in the toilet bowl. I was constantly appalled and could not comprehend how an ALL-ADULT organization could have so many people who do not know the proper way to use a toilet. Weren't we all taught from toddler age to NOT leave a mess, to flush the toilet, and if you do splash on the seat, to CLEAN IT UP???

Well, after I left Biogen I took a job at another Pharmaceutical company, and I encounter the SAME things here. It's beyond comprehension to me, this is not the local Exxon station here people where the general public has an all access pass to do as they please to the toilets. I would think that highly educated people would have enough sense to have proper bathroom etiquette in the workplace right?

This has been bothering me for a few years now and I finally had to put my plea out there to please NOT PEE ON THE SEAT and to PLEASE FLUSH THE TOILET! Plus, I feel badly for the people who have to clean these bathrooms, I don't think they should have to put up with such grotesqueness!

That's my piece on the subject for now :) Happy Bathrooming!

Thursday, May 25, 2006

First of all, as a fellow woman, I am confident that you will not be left prostrate on the cold, hard table to have to leave the salon sans bikini wax! If so I will come kick Sun Lee's ass or whatever her name is. At JMU there was only ONE place in town to get waxed, and only ONE lady, her name is Helga. Ask any girl at JMU if they know Helga....:)

So why is it, that I had about 5 beers over the course of 5 hours last night, and today I kind of feel like complete ass? And some nights I can rock out with like 5 Jager Bombs laced with a few Miller Lite's and wake up feeling like a queen? I know why, old freaking age. As I'm approaching 27 this summer my body continues to break down, its all down hill from here. Break out the Rockports ladies!

JK. Those come at 30 :)

**I have a new obsession** The show "Big Love" on HBO. It's about Polygamy, Bill Paxton has 3 wives, its absolutely fascinating and kind of makes me want to fly to Utah immediately and see this stuff in person. Or just see a Mormon in person. JK, I work with one, they look JUST LIKE US. Am I going to get in trouble for writing that?? I'm totally kidding. My roommate from college came from a Mormon family, but she and her brother left "The Church" while they were in high school. Her dad has been mad for years, and after college, he sent her a bill for EVERYTHING he paid for from literally 1996-2001 (including her wedding). CRAZY.

Watch the show people, watch the show.

A few things I'm nervous about

Dear Car,

As you know, I'm a little nervous right now. For one thing, we're going camping tomorrow and J and I don't have a tent. We also don't have sleeping bags or any other supplies. This isn't that big a deal, I mean, we'll be drinking margaritas in the sand, right? And I probably won't care after too long that I have to sleep below the dunes in a soft mound of sea grass, but the problem is this issue is being compounding by another one, and that's that I'm having my very first bikini wax tonight.

I'm not nervous about the pain, or the intimacy of someone inspecting that area, applying hot wax, and then ripping it off violently. What I'm worried about is all the warnings everybody posts on their spa webpages about how "Your HAIR DOWN THERE BETTER BE LONG ENOUGH FOR US TO WAX OR ELSE." Ok, I'm kidding. No one's webpage says that exactly, but can you think of anything worse than having some stranger down there, ready to wax your private realm, and for her to suddenly say, "Listen up, girly, you've wasted my time, that hair isn't the proper 1/4 inch we talked about," and then leave you, prostrate and totally not ready to wear a bathing suit on the cold, hard waxing table?

Can you? Can you think of anything worse?

Actually, you know what might be worse? Living in Kelly Ct. again. With the vodka drinkers. I'll think about that while it's happening.

xixixixixixixixi
car

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Hey Car! Want to get a beer??

Hey Car, its Car. Want to get a beer? I do. Ok, lets meet at 7pm. Oh, you're going to be on the radio before hand you say? That's ok, I am used to being with famous people as I am super famous myself. Oh, you would like me to have a beer waiting for you when you arrive, AND one on hand? No problem, I will do that.

I might be wearing my special interviewing outfit with pink high heels though, bring your camera!

xixixi
car

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

It all began with Peak 10...

I knew that Cara and I were going to be instant friends that first night we met. I had just arrived in Raleigh the day before with a car full of my life's possessions, and a smile on my face thinking, I can take on this big bad world.

Our dear old friend Jason (who invented the Jasims dance to be elaborated on later), brought Bethany and I to the Southend Brewery to meet his friends Cara and Brian, they are "super cool" he said. Well, it was a random Tuesday night I believe, and after downing a beer or two, Brian looks at me and says "So what are you going to do for work?". I laugh and say "Oh, I already found a job! Can you believe it?? I started work at Peak 10 Marketing today!" As Cara and him exchange wily glances I wonder what's going on. Brian proceeds to tell me about his short stint at Peak 10 and how it's a total pyramid scheme to be completely avoided and I should just not ever go back. Well, after much debate on the bad etiquette of quitting a job after one day, and life goals and how Peak 10 just doesn't fit into mine, we proceed to drink several more beers, and I NEVER SHOW UP at my new job again.

That is when I knew that Raleigh was going to be alright , and that Cara and I were going to be fast friends. I think that might have been our first conversation where our voices get all high pitched and we start talking at the same time and people really think we are charming :)

That year is a fast blur of sand volleyball games, bbq's by the pool, bonfires at Soplop's shack (he will also be introduced later) and best of all, time spent at the good ole KCP.

That year brought much drama - Justin vs. Brian, Smitty and Matt Wood (Dooo you want a beer?), Armand and all the CMG crazies, parties with PJ and cloth trash can pukers, snow storm sleepovers, Las Margaritas and Cara getting a job at Boat World, and last but not least, MARGE and her Taliban room!

So, as you can see, Car and Car, have been through a lot, and these are only the highlights of our first, few precious months together.

As we embark on this endeavour to continue oppressing the world at large I want to ask for your support, and it can come in a variety of ways: Financial for our Alpaca investments; Liquid assets in the form of cocktails or beer; and hot men friends for me, as I need to replace one very tall, dark, asshole named Matt Artman.

Chapter One: Car and Car meet, and share a bed

When I was a young, carefree lass of 22 I came to the great and mighty city of Raleigh after graduating from Boston University with a degree in English and bright hopes for the immediate future, such as fame, fortune and a superior job as a featured writer for some brilliant literary magazine.

I brought with me: a boy, an old futon and a 1990 white Honda Accord.

After a rather rushed and drunken first year in the great south, including a job as a sales assistant at a media group, a few major things happened all at once. I met my future husband (who was not, you see, the young man I was sharing an apartment with), I decided I wanted to quit my job and Carissa Sue and Bethany came out to meet us for drinks one night.

We had a mutual friend who'd pretty much convinced the two of them to move to Raleigh just because, as many of us had, and they did it. This was a very good sign.

Needless to say, the fall of 2001 was eventful.

And one particularly heartwarming event occurred when I suddenly realized, having gotten myself into quite a situation (a.k.a. new boy, no more apartment) that I had no place to live and Carissa and Bethany swooped to the rescue, offering me their couch in their townhouse, on a very special little street called Kelly Ct.

Here are some things you should know about Kelly Ct.:

1) our neighbors were 11-year-olds who liked to sit on the front stoop and take frequent swigs from their handles of vodka
2) the closet door on the second floor facing the stairs wasn't attached and, you guessed it, could fall from its hinges at any moment and crush you as you were coming up
3) Bethany, Carissa and I used to call each other on the way home from work almost every day even though we'd see one another in mere minutes

We also drank a lot of margaritas.

I moved into Carissa's bedroom and bed at first. We decided we'd be like Bert and Ernie. Eventually I got my own room when a third Kelly Ct. roommate moved out, but Car and I still like to tell everyone about the early days when we slept together each night.

A lot happened over the next few months, one of the most important things being us all getting to be great friends. This involved a lot of nights out, and in, and a lot of prank phone calls, highlights of all those crazy nights being our fabulous Christmas party, the time we had a mattress in our living room and that time Bethany fell off the bar at Banana Joe's and Car and I made J drive from Chapel Hill to drive us home while taunting a police officer with the fact that he "couldn't arrest us, we were drunk, but we weren't driving."

Then there was the time I got Norwalk Virus from some bad oysters and puked 13 times. I kept a tally on our dry-erase board on the fridge.

One of the most important events, of course, happened when Carissa and I, out at a bar, became inexplicably angry at everyone else and decided that we were "Car and Car, Oppressors at Large." We wrote it on a napkin. We were all set to oppress everybody but my guess is someone bought us a cocktail and we simmered down.

Since those first months a lot has changed. Bethany moved to D.C. I moved to Chapel Hill and got married. But Car and Car are still, and will always be, going strong.

And since we are such magnificent oppressors, since we email all day long and someday, will rule the world, we thought, what better way to instill our power than through a blog?

We'll be discussing men, social life, how we are always hungry and other great topics. Send us your questions, and we will send you our wisdom. You may not like our answers, but believe me, we are right.